Trying to find the silver lining...

So, there has been a lot that happened since my last post.  I was driving to church with my two boys a week ago (Sunday) and the sun glare blinded me (quite literally) and I drove off the road.  That was not how I wanted my Sunday to start off.  We are all fine and so is the car - just some minor cosmetic damage.  I was talking to my BFF and we were joking about how God could let this happen when I was on my way to His house to worship?  She said the angel watching over us that day took a coffee break and has now been reassigned. lol.  But seriously, when I took a step back and looked at where we landed (straight down a ditch in front of us where the road made a right), it could have been A LOT worse.  We were inches from slamming into the street sign and some thick brush that would have totaled the front end had we driven off just a foot to my left.  There was more thick brush and a small barn about 20 feet to the right that would have also totaled the car.  When my bf came to help us out, he started cutting away the brush so we could get the car out.  I was able to open the doors and look underneath and see that there was nothing under my car.  No brush, no stumps, no rocks, nothing was damaged under the car... it was like I had landed in the perfect spot.  Perhaps God was watching out for us after all.

Since the accident, I've seen the insurance adjuster and he did NOT total the car, even though it's almost 20 years old and has 134,000 miles on it.  He handed me a check for the repairs and said get it fixed.  So, I am.  My idea was to do the repairs myself...well, ok, ask my bf and my brother to do the repairs. I was going to put the rest of the money in savings and take my tax return and add that to it and get another car - AWD or 4WD and a manual transmission.  Well, the best laid plans of mice and men....  I now have to cover child care expenses and some other expenses that I hadn't accounted for due to a 5 week month and now there's barely anything left.  I am a little disappointed to say the least.  I have also begun thinking about how unfulfilling my job is.  Yes, I just started here 2 months ago, but it was just a way to get me up here.  I am grateful to have a job and to work for such a small, wonderful, family oriented company, but I have a Masters Degree and I'm a secretary... something just isn't adding up here.  :( 

I try not to get discouraged.  I am looking into whether or not I can be a guidance counselor in NY if I just get the extra 12 credits with my EdS, but I'm not sure if NY Dept. of Ed. still requires 3 years of teaching before becoming a guidance counselor.  If that's the case, I'm def not doing that.  I will go back to school in Sept. and get my Ed.S. degree and then try to find a job where they will train me for my required 3000 hours of internship for licensure as a mental health counselor.  I just feel like I'm worth so much more and I shouldn't have to continually struggle financially like I have been for the last 9 years.  Something's got to change, right?  God tells us in Proverbs 3:5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Perhaps I'm not listening and trusting in Him?

Why is it my faith seems to wax and wane almost as the tides on the ocean?  When things are hard I cry out to God for strength and He delivers.  When I first moved, I thanked God every day for the blessings he bestowed on us, but lately, I find myself not taking the time to give thanks.

Proverbs 3:6 - "In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  Perhaps because I'm not taking the time to acknowledge Him and His presence in my life, I'm not getting the things I hope for.  I am also not outright asking for them.  That is something I continually struggle with, not only in my faith, but in my everyday life as well - asking for things.  That's kind of funny for me to say considering I was a spoiled little girl growing up who would get pretty much anything I asked for.  Though I never asked for anything unreasonable, or what I thought was unreasonable.  I was grateful for what I received and have grown to understand just how much my parents gave me as a child and teen, and continue to give me and my children, though I no longer expect it. 

I have heard I am supposed to ask God for good things in my life.  If I want a better job, I have to ask for it specifically.  If I want a bigger salary, a bigger home, better car, then I have to ask for them specifically.  I have to spell it out.  I'm not supposed to be vague.  I'm supposed to quote scripture that goes along with my request, almost as a reminder to God that he promised he would provide for me.  But this is God... all knowing, all seeing, ever present.  I don't think he needs a reminder of what he said, but then, perhaps it's a reminder for me.  To remind me of what He said, of His promises for me and to let Him know I'm listening to Him by reading His words and hearing Him speak through others, whether that's at church or friends, radio, people on the street.  God is everywhere.  Maybe it's time I started relying on my faith again and reading my Bible every day.  I know with God, all things are possible. (Phillipians 4:13)  I had that tattooed on my back for a reason, because it was my faith that carried me through the dark times in my life.  So why shouldn't I rely on it now as well.  I guess I've answered my own questions.  Now the hard part is acting on them.  "If you want to see a change in your life, you have to make some changes." - Henry Ford.  

My silver lining is right in front of me.  It's in my Bible.  All I have to do is pick it up, open it and listen to what God has to say.  :)  He has brought me this far and given us so much to be thankful for.  I have no doubt He is not done with us yet.

Til next time...



 

A change in focus...

This blog originally started out as a dating blog.  My best friend suggested I start it after my split from my ex-husband.  It was fun for a while and I have kept the original posts up but I have changed significantly and I think it's time this blog does too.  I have grown spiritually and truly gotten to know more about myself through the dating experiences I've had and the men I've met.  I am not here to preach at you, but just to share what I've learned and what I see around me.  I try not to take life for granted and I hope, in my sharing, some of my thoughts provoke you to perhaps re-evaluate your way of thinking or just think outside the box.  Whatever the case, I hope you find my ramblings amusing and interesting.  Happy reading. :)

Life is amazing...

So it's been 11 months since my last post.  My how times have changed.  I need to find a way to rename my blog, because it is no longer about me dating again, it's about the incredible man God brought into my life.  After being truly single for 6 months, I met a man online who is everything I've ever hoped, prayed and dreamed about.  I mean that quite literally.  He lives upstate in NY, he has a solid job, owns his own home, is an incredible father to his two children, has a strong faith and leads a relatively simple life.  We started chatting over e-mail, then phone and after a couple of months, finally met for the first time.  I can't explain what I felt that first moment I met him in person.  It was like God knew my hearts desires and presented them to me in this man.  That was THE MOST amazing first date I have ever had, and 7 months after meeting him face to face, we are doing quite well.  I guess that might be a bit of an understatement.  Let me elaborate:

I moved up here in November.  I was struggling financially living in Bergen County, NJ.  I was VERY unhappy at my job and I was looking to move eventually anyway. I had originally been looking down the shore, but then this incredible man came into my life. I'd be lying if I said being closer to him had nothing to do with my decision on moving north.  Everyone questioned me at first, especially my mother.  She was MAD! But she got over it when she realized I wasn't changing my mind and already had a job lined up and was looking at houses to rent.  The cost of living is less and I am grateful I am making the same amount of money I was in NJ.  Of course now I have a commuting expense, but it is all worth it.  I live in a little country town, out in the "sticks" and I am loving EVERY minute of it!!!

My house sits on a little piece of property surrounded by farmland and mountains, a stream in my backyard, horses and cows next door... on my way to work every morning I get to watch in awe as the sun rises and God paints the skies so many colors.  This morning, it looked like the mountains were on fire with the brilliant reds, oranges and pinks that were coming up behind the mountains.  It is truly incredible and I couldn't have imagined my life would be this wonderful!! 

I am in love with the most wonderful man in the world and he loves me in return.  My children are happy and settled in quickly.  I don't mean a few weeks, I mean within minutes... everything came together in such a short period of time.  It's only possible because it was God's plan.  No matter what happens in my future, I have found true happiness and learned how to open my heart completely again.  I am not judged, criticized, looked down upon or looked over... I am loved for who I am and that means the world to me. 

I thank God every day for bringing this incredibly handsome, sexy, loving, compassionate & wonderful man into my life.  He truly is the man of my dreams.  Guess I found my prince after all...  <3