I have read the post titled, "I'm Christian, unless you're gay" at Single Dad Laughing several times now, and some of the responses that go along with it as well, and I am still moved by the thought provoking words Dan expressed. I am a Christian and I like to think I love unconditionally. People ask me how I can forgive my ex-husband for what he did to me through the years, but especially for what led to our divorce, and I tell everyone I forgave him. It’s not my job to judge him, and I truly feel that way in my heart. But what this post has caused me to think about is, do I have those same feelings for everyone in my life? If I’m being honest, the answer is no. I wish it weren’t. But thanks to people like Dan who are not afraid to share their feelings with the world, my eyes have been opened.
I don’t want to push my family or friends away because of my judgmental character. Yes, I’ve been hurt and my children have been hurt, but that doesn’t mean I have to hurt others in return. It is true, I do not have the right to judge others. I had this conversation with my oldest brother last year, and he disagreed with me. My response came straight out of the Bible. Matthew 7:1-5. “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Why is it so easy to look at everyone else’s problems, misgivings, attitudes and actions and judge them, yet when someone looks at me or my family, I say things like, “Don’t judge me lest ye be judged”? I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror sometimes and realizing I’ve been a bad Christian, or worse yet, a bad friend, daughter or mother.
There are so many things I want to do different as a mother than how my parents raised me, but I guess many of us say that. But truly, all I really want is to have a loving and open relationship with my children, especially my daughter, because I didn't have that with my Mom when I was younger. We are much more open now, but I don't want to wait that long with my own children.
There are many things I love and admire about how my parents raised me. I ALWAYS knew that my parents loved me and would do whatever they could to make my brother and I happy. They worked so hard to provide for us, sometimes working more than one job. And we always had extended family around. That is something I have enjoyed continuing with my children – including all the aunts, uncles and cousins in our family celebrations.
But when it comes down to it, am I really loving them unconditionally? Do I love everyone like that? Do I love S like that? Or do I allow my past scars to give me the “right” to judge or hold things against him? I believe the latter is true and it hurts me now to just write those words and admit it, not only to myself, but to the world as I write this. There may be nobody reading this right now, but some day, they might and I hope I’m in a better place and can say I don’t make these mistakes as often as I once did.
S is an important part of my life, but we both agree our children are first and foremost in our lives. I look at my daughter and realize in just a couple of years she’ll be off and on her own after graduation, whether that’s joining the military, as she has recently begun thinking about, or going to college. My boys are much younger and at 4 and 3 have VERY different personalities. "A" is very thoughtful and a bit whiny at times, but the compassion and love that comes from that boy is almost unbelievable at times. I have been trying to take a step back from the daily grind and stresses of everyday life and enjoy each of my children. "A" just continues to grow by leaps and bounds and changes on an almost daily basis.
Then there’s "E". He is a riot. He’s happy-go-lucky and loves everyone. I call him my “mush” because all he ever does is give me hugs and kisses. He is almost always smiling and laughing and he enjoys life. When I look at him I try to learn from him. Perhaps that’s what we really need to do. Let’s all take a step back and watch and learn from our children. We, as adults, need to be reminded to enjoy life, every aspect of it. Take the time to sit down and watch the sunset or if you’re an early riser like we are, the sunrise. Play in the stream, catch frogs, fish, run with the dog, go on hikes, watch the stars come out, look for the moon coming over the mountain and smile and be in awe of God’s majesty all around us. Life is not here for us to judge, but to enjoy. Maybe if we thought more like that, the world would be a little happier and more accepting.
Perhaps I'm just a dreamer. I've been accused of worse, but at the end of the day, if I know I've done all I can do to be a more accepting person and love those around me unconditionally, then I can go to bed happy. I just pray I get the chance to do it again tomorrow.
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